Friday, March 2, 2012

[Article] The Death of the Rock 'n Roll Dream

Throwing TVs out of hotel windows. Smashing cars into swimming pools. Biting heads off bats live on stage. Staying up all night having orgies with hookers and taking cheese balls (that's cocaine and cheese). These were some of the things that the almighty guitarists, drummers, djs and singers of yesteryear would get up to. Ahhh those were the glory days, when rock stars were actually cool and not some half arsed soft cock singing about your inner feelings bullshit. Coldplay for example, what the fuck are they all about? If you like them you should go kill yourself, I know you won't be far from doing it anyway you depressing fuck. Ed Sheeran? I reckon the most rock n roll thing he's even done is spilt his coco pops at breakfast without even apologizing to his mum. Nutter.
Gingers. Eww gross.

Rizzle Kicks
Recently in my home town there was a gig by a band (?) called Rizzle Kicks. Now, amongst friends in a more colloquial situation I would normally just refer to Rizzle Kicks as a black Jedward, but that would be too damn rotten to the black community. So I'll just call them shite instead. So this shite was playing in my home town, and I was utterly repulsed by the amount of otherwise normal rational people who paid good money to go see them. What possesses a man/woman to go and see such poorly written and over commercialised wank performed by a pair of pussies too dumb to even take advantage of the whole situation? I know some of you will think I'm just bitter and envious. And yes, your right, I won't even waste my fucks trying to deny it. But it's just the fact that they don't even have the common decency to lord it up, get smashed out their faces and burn hotels to the ground has me riled and irked the most.

When I go to a gig I sometimes like to fantasise about what might be going on backstage. Midgets serving up coke on a silver platter or maybe just a few groupies giving the odd casual blowjob. These days, your more likely to find a stroppy little cunt giving his PA ten shades of fuck because his dressing room isn't feng shui. We used to have the likes of Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, John Lennon and Jimi Hendrix. Real visionaries who's music reflected true and deep meaning in a beautifully poetic way, yet they were still bad ass and had that dangerous, mysterious edge to them. Now what have we got? Justin Bieber, Olly Murs, and whoever won the Xfactor last year. These people who don't even write their own songs, have no opinion and are picked out for being marketable to the dumb beasts that we call the general public.

How did this all happen in the first place? How did we get from being disgustingly awesome to pleasantly naff? A number of things possibly. I would probably blame most of it on the capitalisation of music. Music is increasingly becoming business rather than art, it's all about monetary gain rather than intrinsic value. It has been constantly subjected to degrading abuse and repeated anal gang rape by the suits. I'm not sure what it is that's turning all the musicians into pillow biting faggots though. I have a theory it may be because record companies want to sell shit to kids with an image their parents will approve of (in these days of over protective parenting). Perhaps it's the stars becoming increasingly paranoid of appearing in a tabloid scanal. Maybe it's because in society now we don't stand up for ourselves and rebel any more, it's as if we're far more content to take authority as the truth rather than truth as the authority.

Even the followers of this woeful nonsense get defensive over it, too ashamed to admit that they are tasteless consumers of this musical version of a ready meal. Eventually, these people will grow so stupid yet so protective of their branded pish, that all the record company will have to do is play them a single note (or maybe a chord if they are going for Christmas number 1). The masses will go crazy for it, simply because that single note is being played by the Xfactor winner. The "artists" themselves will become super pussies that promise to not have sex until they are over 30 and married for at least 10 years. They will also be ginger like Ed Sheeran.

So people, if you are a musician, remember that you have to go fucking mental at every gig you ever get. Smash that fridge, kick that beer into the crowd, punch that kid in the front row. Go mad, DO IT! If you are a music fan, encourage this behaviour, get as nutted as your idol is. And if he/she starts to be a soft cock, stop going to their lame gigs and go to something with more debauchery. If we don't go nuts, if we don't rebel from time then that will be the end of the rock and roll lifestyle, the beginning of mediocrity and a breeding ground for idiocracy . It shall ultimately be - the death of the Rock 'n Roll Dream.

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